


The Rumours of Roy Mustang (or; 4 times Edward Elric heard rumours about his superior officer and the 1 time he did something about it)

by VICTORKISSEDYURRI



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: No Slash, Other, Parental Roy Mustang, Rumors, Sort of????, bit of slut-shaming from a shitty oc i made, ed is bad at admitting he cares, he ruffles ed's hair thats pretty parental
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8639506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VICTORKISSEDYURRI/pseuds/VICTORKISSEDYURRI
Summary: “Rumours,” Mustang mused finally, “are quite distracting things.”





	

_1._

“I heard he’s a long-lost prince!” A girl swooned.

Ed scoffed.

“Oh, my God, yes,” the girl’s friend nodded enthusiastically, “of Xing, right? Imagine that! A prince of Xing. Money and looks, I can’t – “

Ed stuck a gloved finger down his throat and pretended to vomit. Al winced, if suit of armours could wince. Ed looked at his brother and wondered what judgment looked like on a suit of armour.

“Brother,” Al whined, long-suffering and pleading, “please don’t make a scene.”

“Come on, Al! Do you here those people?” Ed crossed his arms and curled his lip, “that idiot, lazy Colonel, a prince? Fat-fucking-chance!”

“Brother!” Al hit Ed on the head once, twice, thrice before Ed fell to the ground, groaning all the way, “really, don’t swear. And stop yelling.”

The image of Mustang, all shiny and smug grins, dressed in hideous puffy clothing did bring a smile to Ed’s face, the idiot sure could pull off stupid.

“It would be cool though, wouldn’t it, brother?” Al said after some time.

Ed hummed in acknowledgment.

“I mean, the Colonel and the prince thing – it would be really cool and well, doesn’t he look a bit like a prince?”

Ed choked on his spit and spluttered, he tried to laugh but only choked again and fell, balancing himself on his brother’s leg as he held his own stomach and shrieked in hysteria.

“Brother,” Al sighed, embarrassed, “you’re making a scene again.”

 

_2._

Ed remembered the first time he heard about The Hero of Ishval and hadn’t even registered the connection between the name and the actual man. The Hero of Ishval had slaughtered thousands, had been a part of the Military war to rid the world of all Ishvalan people. The survivors still flinched at fire, at the smell of something burning. Ed tried to picture Mustang killing someone and he couldn’t but he supposed that was his own mistake in judgment, he’d seen one part of the man and thought it all of him.

“He’s a murderer,” a drunken Major had chortled, “slaughtered those fuckers left and right.” That man had been proud of Mustang, had said _Roy_ like he knew him, like the only thing he was and could ever be was a soldier in Ishval. Ed was sure there were many who thought of Mustang the same way, but in a less positive light.

But then again, Ed thought, they weren’t really thinking of Mustang at all.

Ed was right, he had seen one part of Mustang and thought it all of him and those who saw him as only The Hero of Ishval had made the same mistake.

“Rumour is,” someone said, “he liked it.”

As far as Ed was concerned, The Hero of Ishval and Roy Mustang were completely separate. The Hero of Ishval couldn’t exist without Roy Mustang but Ed had good reason to believe Roy Mustang could exist without The Hero of Ishval.

 _Roy Mustang is a good man_ , Ed thought but fuck the man to hell if the guy ever found that out, the world wasn’t big enough for that bastard Colonel’s ego.

 

_3._

The dumbest rumour Ed had ever heard about Mustang was that under his white gloves he had claws instead hands, or that he wore them because his touch burned like brimstone, or that his hands were scarred or forever stained with blood, his sins personified onto his skin.

“But we’ve never really seen his hands before,” Al pointed out.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Ed screeched, “DON’T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS STUFF?”

“What stuff?” Maes Hughes asked, blinking and smiling like he always did, which looked like he’d stolen the sun from the sky and somehow managed to turn it into the curve of a mouth.

“Mustang’s a demon under his gloves,” Ed deadpanned, already knowing from the glint in Hughes’ eyes that this conversation wasn’t going to end as easily as it would have without Hughes.

“Not the only piece of clothing he’s a demon under.”

Ed started screaming, clawing at his ears to try and unhear what he’d just been forced to endure.

“You’re evil, Mr. Hughes,” Al chuckled hesitantly, the devious spark in Hughes’ eyes scaring him slightly, he edged away slowly from the older man who continued to cackle to himself.

“I HATE THIS GODDAMN PLACE.”

  
_4._

“Hawkeye could do so much better,” Ed said when Al came to him.

“But they sure are close,” Al insisted.

Ed grinned, “when did you become a gossiper, little brother?”

If Al could blush, Ed was sure he would have.

“I’m not!” Al flailed his arms, “I just – come on!”

Ed thought about it for a second and recalled Winry telling him that the Lieutenant had joined the Military to protect someone very precious to her heart, he recalled the way Winry described the look Hawkeye gave Mustang when they were leaving the Rockbell home so many years ago, ‘ _She looked at him like my mother used to look at my father_ ,’ Winry said, ‘ _like he was so, so, so important to her and like she’d fight the world if someone were to say he wasn’t just as important to everyone else_.’

Al was a sucker for happy endings, Ed knew that, a sucker for a good love story. But still –

“Hawkeye could do so much better,” he repeated.

“But you didn’t say you don’t disagree with me!” Al cheered.

The Colonel and the Lieutenant, uh? Ed supposed it wasn’t the worst ending for either of them. He supposed it wasn’t the worst pair. He supposed they could both do worse. (He supposed Hawkeye could do better but supposed Mustang would try but fail in an attempt to attain someone like the Lieutenant while knowing full well she wasn’t the attainable sort).

“I think it’d be a cute,” Al said, “they’d be cute.”

 _Yeah_ , Ed allowed himself to think for a moment because deep down he was only a boy who was a sucker for happy endings and a good love story, _they really would_.

 

_+1_

Ed maintained his opinion that he never really looked for trouble, he looked for things slightly troubling at the most and then got shackled with things that were more than slightly troubling. It wasn’t his fault the world insisted on putting him in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ed always seemed to be getting himself involved in things that didn’t need his involvement. The world is a wheel, as they say, everything is connected somehow.

Edward Elric barged into Colonel Roy Mustang’s office with Alphonse right on his heel, kicking the door open roughly because _fuck_ , he was tired and he needed to hand this Goddamn file in and he wanted to sleep for the rest of his life and –

Mustang dropped to a kneel in front of his desk, a hand coming up to rub at his neck as he was trying to steady his breathing, it sounded hitched and gasp-y. A man stepped away from Mustang, flung himself away from the desk and began striding towards the now open door.

“Think about what I said, Colonel Mustang.” The man said, he was old – early fifties, maybe? Ed stared at him, his eyes watching his every move.

“Yes, sir,” Mustang said but he looked ready to snap his fingers and light the man up, turn him into dust. There was something powerful about his quiet rage.

“Colonel,” Al called, he walked to kneel beside Mustang, “are you alright?”

Mustang gave the boy a tight smile and stood up, using the desk for balance. Ed could see red marks on his neck, like a hand had been holding it too tightly.

“I’m fine, Alphonse,”

“Who was he?” Ed asked, trying his best to hide any concern he might have been feeling. Fuck that, he didn’t care. Of course, he didn’t. Ed was just naturally curious.

“General Rudge,” Mustang supplied, “good soldier, talented marksman – though, not quite as talented as our very own Lieutenant, but no one really is.”

Ed narrowed his eyes. “What was he doing?”

Mustang raised an eyebrow in the young boy’s direction. “We were discussing matters that would bore you to tears, Fullmetal. Military missions, reports – speaking of reports, _yours_ is late.”

Ed lamely handed his report to Mustang, his eyes a little judging and his face full of curiosity and disbelief.

“Looked like you two were in a fight,” Ed nodded and let his eyes train in on the bruising beginning to circle Mustang’s neck. “and he was winning.”

Mustang seemed vaguely insulted at that, he looked as though he wanted to say something but relented.

“Rumours,” Mustang mused finally, “are quite distracting things.”

* * *

 

It wasn’t as if Edward even cared about that damn Colonel, he didn’t actually, if he was being honest. The man was lazy and vain, narcissistic to the point of delusion and a complete dick.

But here he was, spying on Rudge like he gave a damn.

“Half-breed whore,” Rudge cursed, “he’s lucky if he ever gets passed Colonel now.”

“What happened?” Another man asked eagerly.

“The boy turns _me_ down? I offer him a place in high-command, secure him a spot next to Bradley – “

“In exchange for what?” The other man cackled.

Rudge grinned, “for some of the skills his Aunty taught him.”

The two men laughed and Ed gagged silently.

“Madame Christmas, uh?” The other man let out a low whistle, “it makes sense, I guess, for Mustang to have grown up in a Goddamn Whorehouse.”

“Rumour is,” Rudge said, “Mustang’s spent more time on his back and on his knees than actually doing any work for the Military.”

It wasn’t as if Edward even cared about that damn Colonel, he didn’t actually, if he was being honest. The man was lazy and vain, narcissistic to the point of delusion and a complete dick.

But here he was.

Ed believed in the saying _Go Big or Go Home_ and he clapped his hands together.

* * *

 

“Fullmetal,” Mustang drawled.

Ed hummed.

“Apparently, there was an earthquake yesterday, did you feel it?”

Ed had the decency to look shocked. “An earthquake? Well, I never, Colonel! Did anyone get hurt?”

“Only two people,” Mustang mused, “how strange. I didn’t feel a thing.”

“The world is strange.” Ed agreed with a nod of his head.

“General Rudge has been put in the hospital it seems,” Mustang informed the younger boy, “and Lieutenant Dakin.”

“I hope they make a speedy recovery.”

“And they’ve made a decision to move their base of operations to the country,” Mustang continued, “how strange, considering they just arrived, wouldn’t you agree, Fullmetal?”

“Each to their own, that’s what I say.”

“How quaint.”

Ed hummed.

Mustang essayed a smile and reached a hand out to ruffle Ed’s hair. Ed squawked and tried to swat the man’s hand away. Mustang only laughed and continued to ruffle the boy’s hair until his carefully plated hair became knotty atop his head.

“STOP IT, BASTARD COLONEL.”

“Pardon? Oh, sorry, Fullmetal, you’re so small I couldn’t hear you from down there.”

“WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SHORT YOU LAZY BASTARD?”

Mustang laughed joyously. Ed stomped his feet, screaming curses and profanities all the way to the Colonel’s office.

Al smiled behind them and managed, as best as he could, to send Mustang’s team an apologetic look when they crashed into the office, screaming and arguing all the way.

“God,” Al heard Lieutenant Havoc whistle, “they really hate each other.”

“No,” Lieutenant Hawkeye shook her head, a knowing look dancing in her sharp eyes, “they don’t know.”

“I think,” Al added, “that they respect each other more than they let on.”

“Where’d you hear that?” Havoc raised an eyebrow, already getting a smoke out of his pack for his lunchbreak.

Al smiled, “just a rumour I heard.”

 

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is a mess but thank you for reading it xx


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